But that's just my hypotenuse (myhypotenuse) wrote,
But that's just my hypotenuse

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cant sleep. will pay for it later

too much going on in my head. went through a weekend where i didnt have a weekend. so felt like straight work. we had a lab retreat which comprised of writing workshops and critique of manuscripts. highly intense intellectual stuff but very informative. highlights though was being able to hang out with the entire labmates, many of whom i do not see very much or interact with. other highlight was playing soccer on the field with the lab and we had an equal ratio of those who had fun and those who got injured. but still i enjoyed it very much. but then i had to work today.

totally mundane and boring day of tedious working. but i had my podcasts to catch up on and i listened to a lot of news on politics that got be very riled up. for example, obama is not going to have cap and trade in his energy bill, an incentive to limit co2 emmissions. also i heard that the watered down health reform bill will not be having a public option which is stupid because it is so favored by the people that i wish the democrats had a backbone and weren't so irrationally afraid of the republicans threatening to filibuster everything! and lastly I heard an excerpt from a documentary similar to moore's sicko and i made tears well up in my eyes while at work. i literally heard a sick man with liver disease getting beaten by bill collectors with no health insurance want to give up on life. it broke my heart when i heard him want out. i cannot imagine how many people have died directly or indirectly in the hands of insurance companies rejecting people at a time when they need help the most. its wrong. its enraging. its evil.
im still young and relatively healthy but i do not want to live in this country when im older and bound to have medical issues. i want to leave the country. it is failing our people. simply failing.

on another note. other things have come up in my life im not ready to discuss to myself or anyone yet. but i may be beginning a new chapter in my life soon and im scared as hell. scared of failing scared of disappointing myself and those that i love. too much to deal with mentally. will sort it out later. logistics and mentality.

at the same time i guess, im truly starting to feel happier about my life here in berkeley. im making more friends and getting used to things. all i want to do is connect with people. learn more about them. its exciting when you meet new people so different from you. i am ready to stop wallowing in my room and get out there. make some new and memorable memories. i want so much out of my time and juggling it between so many things i have to do is damned hard. but i feel positive on the whole these days.

i want it all.

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